Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Never Let Them See You Sweat

Zach here,

You may be wondering why I didn't instantly jump at Dee Dee's offer.  One) it's a real lot of credits, money, dough, cash, bling, however you want to say it.  Two) I get to "hang" with one of the most beautiful and powerful women in the world.  Three) see one.  

Thing is being an aficionado of things from the old days I know there was once this commercial with the theme, "never let them see you sweat."  When you are a freelance PI that's important.  You don't want to seem too anxious or needy.  It's not professional.  The good PI is aloof it adds to our charm and mystic.  Besides nothing makes a client want you more than playing hard to get.  


Note from HARV: if I wasn't in Zach's brain blocking her pheromone blasts Zach would be sweating a lot more.

Friday, May 3, 2013


Hey all:

When you're the last freelance PI on Earth you never know when danger may show up at your door and try to off you.  After all over the years I've been attacked by assassins, ninjas, hit men, robots, droids, animals, plants, mutants, aliens and yes even an angry grandma.  It's important to me to keep my strength up

When DeeDee Delight porting into my office was right in the middle of lunch -- a big juicy hamburger.  This was made from real cloned for extra tastiness cow.  It wasn't that fake soy meat crap you see so much of these days.  That's why despite everything I am going to do my best come hell or high water to eat this meat!!

I just know that I'm going to need my strength for whatever Dee Dee needs me for.  

-- Zach

NOTE FROM HARV: Zach has always been a bit obsessive when it comes to meat.  But since I've been connected to his brain his need for meat has grown.  I'm mostly certain this is nothing to worry about.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Dee Dee Second Thoughts from Zach

I’m still reasonable certain that DeeDee isn’t really a zombie.  Mostly because she doesn’t look (or smell) like a zombie and HARV isn’t worried.  I know HARV knows something he’s not telling me.  In a way I think he does this to attempt to lord over me a little.  Plus, HARV likes to see me get my adrenaline flowing.   Since he is wired to my brain I’m guessing he gets some sort of secondary high off of it.  Supposedly HARV being wired to my brain (yeah I say that a lot) creates some sort of gestalt symbiosis where we are both better for it.  I get instant access to all the information I could want, plus I get a computer enhanced senses and muscles.  HARV gets an up close and personal view into how the human brain operates.

As for the immediate threat – Dee Dee.  My instincts are still telling me she’s not a threat.  Well at least not to me.   She has great resources and I’m quite certain her body has been enhanced.  If she wanted me dead I probably would have been dead by now.  Tweet,  she took out Carol easily and Carol is no slouch.   I think it can be reasonably deduced (I like sounding like Sherlock) that Dee Dee is in need of my very special brand of assistance.  Which means once again I will have to come the rescue of a beautiful woman.  Which means for now my greatest danger will be explaining this case to my girl friend Electra.


Thursday, April 25, 2013

HARV sizes up the situation

Hello Humans, HARV Here:

Once again my personal human Zach has gotten himself into another interesting mess.  I’m sure he would have been dead long ago with me (and without Carol to a lesser extent.)

You may be wondering why I am not overly concerned with DeeDee DeLights actions.  Well let me address your concerns.

First, she came to Zach for help so I am 99.171% sure she will not kill him.  It’s hard to help when you are dead.

Second, while the DeLight’s net worth being over 500 billion credits (richer than most proveniences) means they have access to extremely good data protection and firewalls; I do have easy access to my creator the esteemed Doctor Randy Pool’s files.  I therefore know what “projects” he has sold to the DeLights therefore I can further deduce what DeeDee means when she says she is a “zombie”. 

Third, I do have access to DeeDee’s public escapades throughout the years.  Let’s put it this way, DeeDee is a rich drama queen. 

In conclusion I am sure plenty of bots, androids and organic beings will try to kill Zach.  Just DeeDee isn’t one of them.  Well, most likely isn’t one of them – at least not yet.


Monday, April 22, 2013

My Initial Thoughts on DeeDee

Hey all:

My initial thoughts on my new possible client Dee Dee Delight.  She is truly ultra mega crazo.  Though I'm sure HARV would point out that since she is the top .0001% of wealth in the world she's eccentric not crazo.  Oh, take into account that my initial thoughts are bias and not all that accurate, still they form a good starting off point.

It's easy to see she well built and stunning looking.  Sure I should be wondering why she's here and why a woman of such means needs me.  Plus her whole spiel about being dead.  Thing is for now I can't help wondering what's the DOS is up with her butt that seems to have a mind (or two minds) of its own.   My guess is this is because of a woman from the early turn of the century.  This woman, named Kim basically became wealthy because, well, she had a big butt.  Once butt enhancement technology became available it became fashionable for those of wealth to increase the girth of their backsides.  From what I understand they use nano bots I guess that would make them nano butts.  These butt bots can multiply or disperse depending on the subject's mood.  Yeah I think it's kind of crazy but I've never been quick to understand fashion or science.

But enough about butts...  Next time I'll be concentrating on the case.  Do I think she's really a zombie?  Nah, but I'm certainly interested in finding out why she thinks she's one....

Zachary N Johnson (the world's last freelance PI)

My current adventure.....

All in Days Work...

Okay, now that Dee Dee Delight has teleported into my life things are bound to get interesting.  After all, any woman who is rich as she is, as well built as she is and can take out Carol so easily isn’t a woman to be trifled with.  Speaking of taking out Carol you may be thinking that I reacted a bit casually when Dee Dee put her to sleep.  Well I did.  First off, you never let either a potential client and or opponent see you panic.  It’s bad for business.  Second off, I have seen nerve pinches enough to know Carol was only “resting”.    So I couldn’t get too upset.   Dee Dee is rich and powerful, use to getting her own way.  I can roll with that.  The bottom line is when you are me (The world's last freelance PI) and the universe is using you as its personal whipping boy a nerve pinch is seen a relaxing aside.  


My latest adventure....

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Carol Chimes In

Hi all:

I don’t believe I’m doing something as old fashioned as a blog – a word blog no less.  But Zach thinks it might be good for me to express my thoughts on e-paper to help the world get to know me.

As you probably know I am a psi.   It runs in my family.  My mom and sisters are also psis.  My mom Leah is way powerful psi.  You’ve probably seen her reality HV broadcast Leah Makes You Cluck.   On that show she walks the streets of New New York making people do whatever she pleases.  How powerful am I?  I don’t really keep track of the rating system.  I just know if I’m in the right mood and I told you to cluck you would until I told you to stop.  I also melted an ex’s car once.  Trust me he’s lucky it was just the car.

What’s it like being a psi?  I have to admit it has it’s advantages and it can be fun.  Yet it can also be  frustrating.  Once people learn I’m a psi they treat me different.  Some are scared of me.  Others look at me like I should be in a freak show.  Others think I should be locked up or at the very least kept under watch.  We psis may be powerful but we’re outnumbered 10 million to 1 one on Earth.   We need to tread lightly stay in background as much as possible.

What’s it like working for Zach?  He’s stubborn and can be a bit dense at times.  But you know these “traits” are part of what makes Zach so good at what he does.  He’s also been dealing with psis a long time so he treats us like people, not monsters or worst yet tools.  Plus working with him lets me save the world now and then.  That is pretty mega sub zero.